Being a man

(Originally written on February 6, 2013)

I first heard one of my all-time favorite quotes a while back from a man hosting a TV show on marriage on a local religious channel. I don't remember the exact wording, but his point basically went like this: "Doing what you feel isn't what makes you a man; doing what you don't feel like is what does." He was talking about how men shouldn't allow feelings to control their actions, as it will lead to many bad and irresponsible decisions.

Now this might sound a little crude at first, but to me there is a lot of wisdom in this. When I think about a typical day for me, the majority of things that I do are things that I don't feel like doing. I have a good job; I certainly don't hate it. But most days I would much rather stay at home in my chair reading or watching TV. I don't enjoy having to constantly scrape the snow and ice off my car like I've had to lately, but I don't have a choice. It's a pain having to fix food, wash dishes, and clean showers and sinks, but I'm a bachelor living by myself and no one is gonna do it for me. (Don't take this the wrong way; if/when I do get married, I want to split household chores down the middle.)



Just imagine for a moment if I got up one day and just decided to do whatever I feel like, without thinking of the consequences. If I don't go to work, I won't have the money to pay my bills. Or if I did go to work and someone is rude to me, and I just said whatever I feel like, it wouldn't take long for me to get fired that way either. If I didn't take care of my apartment, it would be a disgusting and very unpleasant place to be. As a child, I learned the importance of acting responsibly. I would have rather watched TV than cut the grass or play baseball with my friends than do my homework, but those were important life lessons that I can carry with me today.



This will be even more important if/when I ever get married and have a family. As a husband and father, it will be my responsibility to provide for my family. Of course, money is a big part of that, as I would need to go to work to support them even on days I would rather do just about anything else. (I'm not opposed to women working either; really I don't have a strong preference either way.) But there are other ways, too. I believe that I would get a lot of joy from being there every day and giving emotional support to a woman, but let's be honest. There will be days when I'm really tired and distracted by other things, making it difficult. But that's the commitment you make when you get married; indeed, there's a reason everyone says, "for better or worse." It's my duty to be there for her whenever she needs it.  And if I have kids, I know there will be times when I don't want to discipline them or will be too tired to feel like driving them to various events, but again it will be my responsibility.



So, my conclusion is that taking responsibility and doing what you know has to be done is what makes you a man, not doing what you feel. I know that this can apply to women too; in fact, I'd be curious read a similar essay written by a woman. For now, just writing from a guy's perspective, I take a lot of pride in taking this kind of responsibility. Am I perfect? Of course not! I'm still immature in some ways. But I'm trying to learn and grow more every day. Even if there are days when I just wanna be a kid again.