Saturday, April 18, 2015

I am in introvert

Hi, I'm Brian, and I am an introvert.

I recently took a personality test that determined I am far on the introvert side of the introvert/extrovert scale.  If you know me at all, you probably don't think that's a surprise.  I know I wasn't surprised by it.  And since then I have been trying to learn more about what this means.

There seems to be a stigma attached to being an introvert in our society.  Whether we are looking for a friend, a spouse, or a new employee, we value people who are "outgoing".  We've lost all appreciation of "quiet"; we avoid being labelled as "reserved" or "shy" at all costs.  Whenever I interview candidates for a job at my work, I never ask the candidate the standard question of "whether they are an introvert or extrovert", or some version of that, because if the candidate is a true introvert they likely won't be honest about it.  They'll either say they are an extrovert or give the wishy-washy answer that they are some of both, "depending on the situation."

Well, guess what.  I'm a true introvert and I'm not ashamed to say so.

Introverts are generally known for not being talkative and for valuing their alone time, but there is so much more to it than that.  If you've been around me for any length of time, you know that I don't talk much and when I do, I'm not exactly the most articulate speaker.  I used to think there was something wrong with me.  At times, in high school and college, I tried to be that outgoing guy, but I just don't fit the bill.  And I've learned to be fine with that.

When reading about the difference between extroverts and introverts, one of the most important traits of each is that while the former gain energy from being around other people, the latter lose energy this way.  It's not that we don't like other people; in fact, I like being around other people.  I just need to balance that with my time alone where I can recharge and do some deep thinking, more so than others.  I like going on trips or going to social events, but I'm just as fine with a quiet night at home reading or watching TV.

Another difference is that extroverts tend to be quick thinkers, sorting out their thoughts as they speak, while introverts like to take the time to process what they hear and formulate their thoughts before speaking.  Some people might take that as introverts being "slow" or even "dumb", but that's not true.  Our brains just work differently.  I think that's why I'm much better at writing than I am at verbal communication.  I like to slow down and seek the deeper meaning in everything, sometimes to a fault.  That's why I don't always enjoy "small talk", such as discussing the weather, and why I can't stand most "top 40" music.  I understand things like this are necessary in some situations, but after a short amount of time I've usually had enough.

I've never been one to dabble into a lot of different interests; rather, I like to know a lot about something.  And I've never been one to be friends with many people; instead, I prefer a few close connections.  It's true that it doesn't allow me to get to know as many people, but for the ones I do know, I seek to make deep connections with them and remain loyal.

If you are reading this and you ever interact with me in person, please take the time to understand where I am coming from.  Just because I'm not that talkative or don't always have something to say, that doesn't mean I'm stupid, that I don't like you, or that I don't care about you or what you have to say.  It just means that I'm different from you.  Sometimes, I just need time to reflect and to gather my thoughts.  And one benefit of this is that it allows me to be a good listener.  So if you're looking for someone to just hear what you have to say without judgment, I can be that person.

Introverts and extroverts can both be good people, and by no means do I think one is better than the other.  We are all different, and we should celebrate that.  I think introverts have an important place in our society and that we need them just as much as we need extroverts.  We need the people that are good at making instant connections and able to interact with others in a lively manner, but we also need the deep thinkers and people who need alone time.  And the two can indeed work together well.  My wife is an extrovert, and in some ways my complete opposite, but we make our marriage work because we allow our differences to balance our home life and challenge each other to be better spouses and human beings.

I'm walking proof that you can be an introvert and still be successful in life.  In both my personal and professional relationships, I've never been one to try to make a "grand entrance"; rather, I try to build loyalty over time by being kind to others, being a good listener, and being dependable day after day.  I think that is a good way to make a lasting impression on others.

The most important key to enjoying life is being honest about who you are and embracing it.  Maybe you've met me and think I don't talk enough, or that I'm not enough of a "people person".  You're entitled to your opinion, but this is how God created me.  If I was supposed to be an extrovert, he would have wired me that way.  It's up to me to try to maximize the potential that God has given me.  Instead of focusing on what I don't do, I will focus on my strengths and how who I am makes me a good husband, parent, coworker, and friend.

Anyway, thanks for reading my first post.  I plan to write more in the future, and I hope you will come back.