Saturday, May 14, 2016

How can we understand God's will?

The concept of God is difficult for us to understand. He is not limited by many of the constraints that we humans are on Earth. There's no beginning or end for him - he has always existed and will always exist. He is not affected by the physical wear that our human bodies and many other material things are. It's sometimes difficult for humans to wrap their minds around it.

Another thing about God that many of us don't understand is his plan for all of us. When something bad happens to a good person, or things don't go the way we expect them to, we struggle to make sense of it. Sometimes, something that makes perfect sense and that we think should happen doesn't happen, or something happens that makes absolutely no sense. I'm someone who likes to think logically, so for me it's especially tough to figure this out. Faith is not always my strong suit.

Without publicly getting into too much detail, there are a few things that have happened recently that really disappointed me. I don't want to make it sound like my life is miserable; I do have plenty to be happy about, such as a loving wife and family, good health, and a decent enough job that I can pay my bills. But there are other things about which I'm frustrated, not just because they didn't go the way that I want them to, but also because they didn't make sense.

I'm 31 years old. Around when I graduated from high school, I had this vision in my mind about how my life would turn out. I thought that by 31, certainly I would have everything about my life figured out and wouldn't have to worry about making tough decisions or trying to improve my life anymore. But that hasn't been the case, and I'm sure many of you have experienced similar feelings in your life. Many of my prayers have been answered, including finding my wife, which I did three years ago. But as I get older, I'm finding that I have more questions about where my life is going than I did 10-15 years ago.

What I'm finding is that life is a journey. I keep thinking that someday, I'm going to find that final destination that I've been heading towards for many years. But maybe there is no final destination. Maybe I'm supposed to keep getting up every day and just live my life and see what happens next. My whole life I've struggled to look ahead and wonder what was coming next, and too often I've failed to enjoy what's right in front of me.

When my wife and I were dating and seriously thinking about marriage a few years ago, I couldn't wait until we could get married and start our new life together. There were times when I thought that dating was the hard part, especially since we lived an hour away from each other. But I look back fondly on those days now. I learned so much about myself and recognize that I went through some necessary growth.

Maybe that's what I'm doing right now. It's easier said than done. I've had some days lately when I've been very discouraged, but I don't have any choice except to get up tomorrow and keep going. I don't know where this path is leading me, but I have to keep reminding myself that God is in charge. He has a plan that doesn't make perfect sense to me right now, but I'm only looking at this through the lens of one particular moment in time. I need to trust that God's plan is what's best for me and that several years from now, I will look back on these days as an important time in my life.

Brian R. Johnston is the author of the book The Art of Being a Baseball Fan, available now on AmazonClick here to visit him on Facebook.

Friday, April 15, 2016

The Art of Being a Baseball Fan: An Excerpt

The following is an excerpt from my book, The Art of Being a Baseball Fan, which is now for sale on Amazon. You can also order a signed copy by emailing Brian at brjohnston1985@yahoo.com.
(April 2015)

It was on to Denver to face the Colorado Rockies. The Cubs lost the series opener 5-1 on Friday, but on Saturday, the offense finally busted out in a 9-5 win, setting up the rubber game on Sunday. In the second inning, the Cubs struck first for a run before a frustrating bottom half. With one out and runners on first and second, Daniel Descalso hit a ground ball that could have been a double play; instead, pitcher Kyle Hendricks deflected it away from Starlin Castro and everyone was safe. Former Cubs prospect DJ LeMahieu proceeded to clear the bases with a triple as part of a four-run inning. The Cubs got two back in the fifth but should have gotten more. After a Hendricks RBI single, they loaded the bases with nobody out. Anthony Rizzo hit a sacrifice fly, but then Jorge Soler hit a bullet right to second that turned into a double play.
Heading into the ninth, down 5-3, it was another one of those hair-pulling games I’m so accustomed to. I decided to stop watching and start dinner while tracking the rest of the game on my phone. After Miguel Montero struck out to lead off the ninth, the Rockies brought in LaTroy Hawkins to get the last two outs. If you’ll recall, Hawkins was the goat of the Cubs’ late 2004 collapse. Now in the 20th and final year of his career, he finds himself trying to get the save against his former team. Arismendy Alcantara walked and went to second on a wild pitch before Mike Olt struck out. Welington Castillo kept the game alive with a single that drove in Alcantara. In the kitchen, hoping for a small miracle, I quickly turned on the radio feed on my phone.
Hawkins got ahead of Dexter Fowler 0-2 before hanging a slider over the plate. Fowler launched it into the second deck in right field – Cubs lead, 6-5. I typically don’t show much emotion while watching games. But when I heard Cubs broadcaster Pat Hughes call that home run, I found myself shouting and pumping my fist. Hector Rondon was able to secure the victory with a scoreless ninth, and I celebrated again when they got the final out. That was the most excited I can remember getting over a Cubs game in a long time. When your team hasn’t been relevant for five years, there aren’t many such opportunities. It felt really good.
The Cubs came back home for a three-game series with the Cincinnati Reds. The good feeling I had from the previous day went away quickly when Jon Lester again struggled, giving up three runs in the first. However, the Cubs quickly came back with three of their own, including a two-run homer from Jorge Soler. Lester settled in before running out of steam in the sixth, surrendering three more runs to make it 6-3.
I pretty much conceded this game. Like I did on Sunday, I turned the game off my computer and followed updates on MLB Gameday. But for at least another night, this wasn’t the Cubs of the past five years. Chris Coghlan homered in the seventh to make it 6-4, then Jorge Soler hit his second homer of the game in the eighth to tie it. Again, I quickly got the game back on my phone.
The game went into extras. In the bottom of the tenth, the Cubs loaded the bases with none out. Starlin Castro hit a hard ground ball to shortstop and the Reds got the force at home. My negative instincts kicked in again. They were reinforced when Arismendy Alcantara, 0-for-16 on the season, swung and missed at his first two pitches – looking horrible in the process. My groans were getting louder. But on the next pitch, he hit a ground ball through the drawn-in infield to win it.
The next morning, I had this unusual feeling come over me: I was actually excited for the next game. Not since those division-winning days of 2007 and 2008 did I get this enthusiastic about watching the Cubs. When they were down late both Sunday and Monday, I found myself giving up and falling into apathy again. Five years of constant losing will have that effect, even on the most diehard supporters. But I suddenly felt like I had come back to life. Maybe, I thought, this year will be different.
Or maybe that was just my “overreacting to what happens early in the season” impulse kicking in.
____________________________________________________
[...]
____________________________________________________
They next hit the road for four in Pittsburgh followed by three in Cincinnati. The Cubs cruised to a 5-2 win in the first game in Pittsburgh, led by Kris Bryant, who drove in three runs. The next day came a surprising announcement: The Cubs were calling up another top prospect, Addison Russell, who they got in a midseason trade last year.
Much like Bryant, Russell had a rough first game, going 0-for-5 with three strikeouts. But it was a memorable game for other reasons. The two teams went back and forth before the Cubs tied it at 5 in the top of the seventh. In the bottom of the seventh, the Pirates loaded the bases with two outs. I got that feeling of frustration I’ve gotten hundreds of times, that the game is about to fall apart. Sure enough, the Pirates’ Jung Ho Kang cleared the bases with a double to make it 8-5.
Again, I gave up on this game. I figured there’s no way they’d come back from this. But in the eighth, Welington Castillo started the comeback with a homer… 8-6. In the ninth, Anthony Rizzo singled on the first pitch of the inning, then Jorge Soler doubled on the second pitch. Again, I fervently got the game back on my phone. Kris Bryant walked. Then Starlin Castro came up and hit a chopper to the left side of the infield. The camera panned over to Josh Harrison at third. The play seemed to be going in slow motion. Harrison jumped into the air to reach for the ball. I tried by best to will the ball by him. After what seemed like several minutes, the ball cleared his glove. “YES!”, I shouted, as it went into left field. Two runs scored, and the game was tied.
Now, Bryant is at third and Castro is at first. Castillo hit a ground ball on the infield, and the only play the Pirates had was at first. Bryant scored the go-ahead run. Hector Rondon pitched a clean ninth to preserve the 9-8 win. How could I not be pumped after this game? The Cubs were 8-5 and had already played in several crazy games. This was a team I could get behind.
____________________________________________________
The Cubs last made the playoffs in 2008. They last finished with a winning record in 2009. For five straight years, from 2010-14, they stumbled out of the gate and never recovered. Already this season, they have had several thrilling victories, a few tough losses, and plenty of story lines. A lot of fans that had stopped paying attention are coming back. But speaking as a diehard, I’ve been touched with Cubs Fever.
The day after their comeback win against the Pirates, while at work, I was having flashbacks to 2003. I pictured the moment when Joe Borowski struck out Andruw Jones to win the decisive Game 5 of the NLDS over Atlanta. I could hear radio announcer Pat Hughes’ exuberant call, “Bring on the Marlins!” I’ve thought about this moment many times over the years. But on this day, it was giving me chills. It’s been years since I experienced this. I couldn’t wait for another moment like that. With the way the team was playing, it suddenly seemed possible. But then I snapped out of my daydream and looked over at the calendar at my desk.
It was still April.

Friday, April 1, 2016

The Latest Seinfeld Episode: "The Facebook"

Seinfeld was a classic caricature of life in the 1990s. But what if the show was on the air today? I tried to imagine a possible plot line and came up with this script, called, "The Facebook":

(George walks into Jerry's apartment.)

Jerry: Hey.

George: Hey.

Jerry: So I saw your post about your date with Jennifer last night. Sounds like it went really well!

George: Yeah, well, I thought so too. But I made that post 14 hours ago and she hasn't liked my status yet!

Jerry: So?

George: "So?" Don't you think if she had a good time that she would have liked my status?

Jerry: Well, maybe she's not a liker.

George: What do you mean?

Jerry: Well, some Facebook users are very generous with their likes, liking every little thing that pops up on their news feed, while others are more strict with their likes and only distribute them for very special occasions. Maybe Jennifer falls into that later category.

George: No, I think she's a liker. One of her friends posted some stupid video of a dog chasing its tail yesterday, and she liked that video within minutes!

Jerry: I think you're making too much of it. Maybe she's worried about coming on too strong.

George: I just think it's common courtesy that if someone posts a good status about you, you should like it, as a token of appreciation.

Jerry: Let me ask you. Did she post a status about the date?

George: Yes.

Jerry: Was it a good status?

George: It said, "Enjoyed having a night out tonight with a new acquaintance."

Jerry: Hmm, I'd say that's a favorable status. And you liked it?

George: Yes, within seconds.

Jerry: Then it sounds like there hasn't been a fair exchange of likes. I think you have a strong case.

(Kramer slides in the door.)

Kramer: Hey.

Jerry: Hey.

Kramer: Up until now, my life has been meaningless!

Jerry: (sarcastically) But you've accomplished so much!

Kramer: No, see, I just started a Facebook page for coffee table lovers. (Phone dings.) Oh, I just got my first like! This is gonna be great! Finally, a chance for coffee table fans everywhere to share their passion. You know what would really help get the page off the ground? A picture of a celebrity with their coffee table. Jerry, let me take a picture of you using your coffee table.

Jerry: I don't have my coffee table. I let you borrow it three months ago and I haven't gotten it back.

Kramer: Well aren't you a sad, pathetic little man.

(Jerry groans. Then the buzzer rings and Jerry walks over to it.)

Jerry: Yeah?

Voice: It's Elaine.

Jerry: Come on up.

George: Kramer, let me ask you something. What percentage of posts on your Facebook feed do you like?

Kramer: (while rummaging through Jerry's fridge) I'd say maybe 3%. I'm not loose with my likes. You really have to impress me to get me to hit that like button.

George: Hmm, well I posted my status about my date with Jennifer last night and she hasn't liked it yet. Do you think that's a sign that she didn't have a good time?

Kramer: (while eating an apple) I'll tell you how you can find out. Today's Thursday, right?

George: Yeah.

Kramer: It's Throwback Thursday. Post an embarrassing picture of yourself from your childhood and tag her in it. If she likes it, then you'll know she's still interested in you!

Jerry: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, this is a great idea.

(Elaine walks in.)

Elaine: So, everyone's been complaining about what a horrible dancer I am, right? Well, I had someone tape me dancing at Tim Whatley's party with my phone last night.

Jerry: Hey, did you see Tim Whatley's status about that party?

Elaine: The one where he thanked a bunch of people for coming by tagging them?

Jerry: Yeah, except, he didn't tag me.

Elaine: Maybe he forgot.

Jerry: He did say to tag anyone he forgot. Would you mind commenting and tagging me?

Elaine: I don't know Jerry. Maybe he's still mad at you for that anti-dentist status you posted last week.

Jerry: Oh, that wasn't a big deal! Come on, please?

Elaine: I just don't feel comfortable doing it.

Jerry: George?

George: (uncomfortable): Um... uh...

Jerry: Oh come on! Kramer?

Kramer: Sorry, buddy. For all I know he may have went out of his way not to tag you. I don't wanna be an accomplice in this.

Jerry: I gotta find out whether it was intentional.

Elaine: Anyway, wanna watch it with me?

Jerry: Watch what?

Elaine: The video of me dancing?

Jerry: (reluctant) Well... uh...

Elaine: Jerry! I'm a good dancer, right?

Jerry: (again reluctant) Uh... yeah... guys, let's all watch this together.

George: I'd love to, but we gotta go over to my parents' house to look through some old photo albums. (rushes out the door)

Kramer: (while walking out the door) Yeah!

Elaine: OK, here it is!

(Jerry and Elaine watch the video. Elaine is dancing, very poorly.)

Elaine: (surprised) Wow, am I really that bad?

Jerry: You know there's no possible right answer to that.

Elaine: Well, that's it. I've decided to no longer dance in public.

Jerry: (does fist pump) Yes!

(Elaine looks at Jerry disgustedly.)

Jerry: I mean... that's a shame.

(Elaine sets phone on counter and walks over to the couch to sit down. Kramer comes back in.)

Kramer: I need to make a sandwich.

Jerry: I do accept tips, you know.

(Kramer reaches for bread and accidentally spills it all over the counter. Elaine comes over to help clean up and grabs her phone, then goes back over to the couch.)

Elaine: So when am I gonna get to meet this "Monica" you've been raving about.

Jerry: Tomorrow night. She is fantastic! She's beautiful, smart, has a great sense of humor, likes the Mets... I think she might be the one!

Elaine: Can I see a picture?

Jerry: Sure, she's got over 200 on her profile. Let me pull it up here.

(Jerry opens Facebook on his phone.)

Jerry: (reads off phone disgustedly) Suggested page: Monica likes Kenny Bania? I don't believe this. Monica likes Bania's Facebook page?

Elaine: So what's the big deal?

Jerry: I don't know if I can be with someone who likes Bania's Facebook page. The guy's a total hack!

Elaine: Maybe she liked the page years ago and forgot about it.

Jerry: (contemplating): Yeah, maybe. I need to find out if she's still a fan.

(Elaine's phone dings. She looks at it.)

Elaine: (reading) "Tim Whatley shared your video"? What video, I haven't posted any videos this week. (She clicks on the notification to read it, then gasps.) My dance video is on Facebook and Tim Whatley shared it on his wall! I must have accidentally posted it when I was cleaning up after Kramer!

Kramer: Well, that might be a problem. (walks out the door with sandwich)

Elaine: Look at this, five people have already shared it. I'm all over the internet now! What am I gonna do?

Jerry: Well, I hear Europe is lovely this time of year.

(The next scene is at George's parents' house. Estelle lets George and Kramer in.)

George: Mom, where do you keep all the photo albums?

Estelle: They're right around the corner there. What do you need those for?

George: Does it matter? (turns to Kramer) Let's see if we can find a really embarrassing childhood picture. One where I really look traumatized.

Frank: (to Estelle, angry) Why did you run the disk defragmenter on my computer.

Estelle: It needed to be run.

Frank: You know I have a fantasy baseball draft this afternoon. Why did you pick right now?

Estelle: (getting angry) I've been telling you to run it for three weeks. I got tired of waiting!

Frank: (even angrier) You can't just defragment any time you want! If you do that, society falls apart!

George: (to Kramer) This shouldn't be too hard.

(The scene shifts back to Jerry's apartment the next day. George walks in, excited.)

George: Well, I just posted a picture of myself sitting on the toilet crying when I was five years old. I even tagged Jennifer in the post!

Jerry: You what???

George: (getting a little nervous) Now I just have to see if she likes it. If she does, I'll know she's interested in me.

Jerry: Don't you think you're coming off as a little desperate?

George: I sure hope so. It's all I have left.

Jerry: (looking at George's post on his phone) Oh my gosh, that is ridiculous! Has she liked it yet?

George: No. (looks through phone) Look at this! It says on my feed that she liked the New York Mets' picture of Matt Harvey at spring training!

Jerry: Maybe that was from a while ago.

George: (frustrated) No, that was posted four minutes ago! How could she like the Mets' photo but not mine? I liked her profile picture when she changed it yesterday! I've given her two likes and I get nothing in return! I'm two likes in the hole!

Jerry: When are you seeing her again?

George: Tonight. I'm gonna confront her about this.

Jerry: Well, I have my own confrontation tonight. I need to find out if Monica is really a Bania fan.

(Kramer slides through the door, clearly flustered. His phone is buzzing repeatedly.)

Kramer: I'm losing my mind Jerry!

Jerry: What's with you?

Kramer: My phone keeps going off every two seconds. It's those notifications for my coffee table page. People liking the page, commenting on my statuses. It's driving me crazy!

Jerry: Why don't you just turn the notifications off?

Kramer: I can't! They're popping up so fast I can't even get to my settings! (Kramer sets the phone on the counter, but it keeps buzzing.) That's it, I've had it!

(Kramer picks up the phone and throws it out the window. Newman is outside walking on the sidewalk when the phone lands in front of him. He looks around, picks it up, and calmly puts it in his coat pocket.)

(In the next scene, George and his date, Jennifer, are at a restaurant eating dinner.)

George: You enjoying your meal?

Jennifer: Yes, I am.

(Several moments of silence)

George: Would you say that you... like... it?

Jennifer: (confused) Yeah. (phone dings) Oh, my best friend's second cousin just posted a picture of her new parrot! I gotta like this!

George: So... you aren't stingy with your likes, are you?

Jennifer: What are you getting at?

George: I'll tell you what I'm getting at. You didn't like my status about our first date. Didn't you think we had a good time?

Jennifer: Well, yeah...

George: And then you didn't like my Throwback Thursday picture. I don't get it. What did I do wrong? I liked your status AND your profile picture. I want restitution. You owe me two likes!

Jennifer: Well, who posts a picture like that of himself and tags a woman after going out on one date with her?

George: I was just trying to be friendly!

Jennifer: This is getting way too weird. It's just a stupid status.

George: Stupid status? I pour my heart and soul out for you, for everyone I know to see, and this is the thanks I get!

Jennifer: That's it, I'm leaving. Let me post it on Facebook. (checks phone) My great uncle is watching Everybody Loves Raymond. (looks at George) LIKE!!!

George: (getting angry) Oh-ho-hoooooooooooooo!

(In the next scene, Newman is alone in his apartment, sitting in his chair, looking at the phone he just found.)

Newman: I'm gonna post that I just got a new phone! Let me just log into Facebook.

(Newman opens Facebook and goes to sign in. He taps on the email box, and several email addresses appear in the dropdown menu.)

Newman: Hmm, funnyboy1986@yahoo.com? (pauses for several seconds) I've got you now, Seinfeld! (Newman does an evil laugh for several seconds, then the microwave dings.) Oooh, my pizza!

(The next scene shows Jerry out on a date with Monica. The two are eating.)

Jerry: I'm excited that you're coming to my comedy show later tonight!

Monica: Me too! It should be fun.

Jerry: Have you seen any comedy shows recently?

Monica: No.

(Several moments of silence)

Jerry: None at all?

Monica: (confused): No, I haven't.

Jerry: Have you been to a lot over the years?

Monica: I've been to some.

Jerry: Any you've seen that just flat out stunk?

Monica: Well, maybe a couple.

Jerry: Any in particular? What were their names?

Monica: I don't remember, Jerry. What are you getting at?

Jerry: (agitated) Well, I noticed that you like Kenny Bania's Facebook page.

Monica: And?

Jerry: Are you a fan of his?

Monica: I wouldn't say that. I saw him at a show one time and I guess I liked his page afterwards.

Jerry: If you're not a fan, why did you like his page?

Monica: I don't remember. It was a few years ago. So what?

Jerry: The guy's a total hack! Half his act is about Ovaltine! Why don't you unlike his page?

Monica: I don't know, I just haven't.

Jerry: Could you do it now?

Monica: Why? Can't we just enjoy dinner right now? (checks phone)

Jerry: (reaches across the table for the phone while Monica tries to hold onto it) Give me that phone! I'll unlike the page for you!

Monica: What is wrong with you? (packs up stuff) I'm leaving!

Jerry: Go have fun with your new boyfriend Bania!

(After several seconds, Bania walks up from the other direction.)

Bania: Hey, Jerry! Have you tried the soup here? It's the best, Jerry, the best!

(Jerry looks disgusted.)

(In the next scene, Jerry is in his apartment, and Elaine walks in.)

Elaine: You would not believe what I am dealing with at work. Everyone is watching that video. People come up to me every two minutes with their phones pointed at me, asking me to dance! Someone even made a remix and posted it on YouTube!

Jerry: (grabs phone to look up video) Wow, over 20,000 hits so far!

(Elaine puts head in hands in disgust.)

Jerry: Well, I think I'm on the outs with Monica.

Elaine: Why is that?

Jerry: I confronted her about liking Bania's Facebook page.

Elaine: What did she say?

Jerry: Well, she wouldn't unlike the page, so I tried to grab her phone and do it but she freaked out and left!

Elaine: Can't say I blame her.

Jerry: (browsing through phone) Looks like she unfriended me too.

Elaine: (laughing) When did you post this? (reads phone) "My comedy routines are nothing but drivel and my feet stink?"

Jerry: I didn't post that! (goes to profile, face turns to disgust) What? Someone must have hacked my profile? Who's had access to my phone?

Elaine: (looks at phone) Hey, here's another one. "I haven't showered in two weeks, and I look down women's blouses while I'm on stage every night."

Jerry: How is this happening?

Elaine: Were you signed in anywhere else?

Jerry: On Kramer's phone one time. (thinks for several seconds) NEWMAN!

(The scene shifts to Newman's apartment. Newman calmly sits in his chair while Jerry is standing, agitated.)

Newman: Hello, Jerry.

Jerry: Hello, Newman.

Newman: I've enjoyed your Facebook posts lately. It's good that you finally have an outlet where you can express the real truth about yourself, isn't it?

Jerry: Alright Newman, let's cut the chit chat. What do I have to do to get you to stop this madness!

Newman: Well there is one thing you can do. Something that has alluded me for many, many years.

Jerry: Out with it already!

Newman: It's Elaine.

Jerry: What about her?

Newman; Five years ago, almost to the day, I sent her a friend request. To this day, that request remains unrequited. She is the one woman for whom I have pined to be online friends with, so that I may view all her pictures and posts with pleasure. Perhaps our online acquaintance could one day lead to something more.

(Camera shows Jerry with disgusted look.)

Newman: (stands up and becomes more passionate) Every day, I open my Facebook app, hoping this will be the day that I get that notification I have so longed for. And every day until now, I have looked at the top of my feed and seen that it's not to be. (gets louder and more excited) But maybe tomorrow, there will be...

Jerry: OK, OK! I'll make it happen.

Newman: Just remember, as far as the world knows, I am now you. (makes loud, evil laugh as Jerry walks out the door, then hears his phone ding) Ooooh, my pizza is ready for pickup!

(George is at work at Yankee Stadium the next day, at a round table with several people, about to start a big meeting.)

Wilhelm: Now, before we get started on this project, I ran across something on Facebook yesterday that was... deeply disturbing. And yet funny at the same time.

(He then turns on the projector, and George's childhood picture is projected on the wall. Everyone starts laughing, while George buries his head in his hands.)

Wilhelm: Now, I'm seeing a new ad campaign. "Don't be sad, baseball season is back!"

George: (whimpering) Oh, no.

And we'll plaster it on every billboard in town. (turns to George) Thanks, George, for inspiring us.

(Everyone starts laughing and applauding.)

George: GEORGE IS GETTING UPSET!

(A man walks up to Kramer's door and knocks. Kramer opens the door and is surprised. It's Darren the intern from Kramerica Industries.)

Kramer: Darren, what are you doing here? Kramerica Industries is long gone, remember?

Darren: I know, but... I noticed you haven't posted anything on your Coffee Table Lovers page on Facebook in two days. I wanted to make sure everything was ok.

Kramer: You followed the page?

Darren: Yeah, I did. I have to say, it inspired me.

Kramer: Well, it became too much for me to handle.

Darren: Kramer, that page has over 3,000 likes right now. Those people are counting on you to brighten their day with pictures of cats sleeping on coffee tables, or college kids seeing how many coffee tables they can stack on top of each other. With my help, we can make this happen.

Kramer: (excited) Darren, you believed in me when no one else did. Let's start taking some pictures and get to work!

(Darren and Kramer walk in and close the door. They then quickly walk back out and sprint across the hall.)

Kramer: We need to borrow Jerry's camera.

(Scene switches to Jerry and Elaine at the coffee shop with their phones.)

Elaine: Hey, do you know how I got to be friends with Newman on Facebook?

Jerry: (acting surprised) No idea.

Elaine: Anyway, I found out that he collects old benches. Can you believe that?

Jerry: Well, he needs somewhere to put all his dirty dishes every day!

Elaine: Maybe Newman's a misunderstood guy.

Jerry: Yeah, it's misunderstood why anyone would voluntarily wanna spend time with him.

Elaine: I might have had him all wrong. I'm gonna to talk to him and ask if I can see some of his benches. (walks away)

Jerry: One by one they're deserting me.

(Kramer and Tim Whatley come into the coffee shop.)

Jerry: What are you two doing here?

Kramer: Just stopping by for some coffee before we go do a photo shoot at Tim's office. He's got several coffee tables there for patients and I wanna share them with the world on my Facebook page!

Jerry: Hey, Tim, I noticed that you didn't tag me in your status about your party the other night, so I tagged myself.

Tim: (looking uncomfortable) Hmm, I didn't think you'd tag yourself.

Jerry: Now did you say, "Hmm, I didn't think you'd TAG yourself," or did you say, "Hmm, I didn't think YOU'D tag yourself"?

Tim: I don't get it. Just like I don't get your dentist jokes.

(Tim walks away with Kramer, as Kramer looks at Jerry disgustedly. Jerry rolls his eyes. Then George walks in and sits down.)

George: (chuckling) I just got a suggestion to like Kenny Bania's Facebook page. He did a status on Bosco that was kinda funny. You know, I love that stuff!

Jerry: (after several seconds of fuming, dives across the table trying to take George's phone) GIVE ME THAT PHONE!

Brian R. Johnston is the author of the book The Art of Being a Baseball Fan, available now on AmazonClick here to visit him on Facebook.

Monday, March 21, 2016

The Art of Being a Baseball Fan: An Excerpt

The following is an excerpt from my book, The Art of Being a Baseball Fan, which is now for sale on Amazon. You can also order a signed copy by emailing Brian at brjohnston1985@yahoo.com.

February 2015

My wife and I joined a marriage class at church recently, and each participant took turns telling the group about themselves. I said that my biggest hobby is being a baseball fan. After mentioning my favorite team, half the room softly chuckled in the typical fashion I’ve become used to. "Yeah, I usually get some nervous laughs after I say that," I responded. It was my polite way of saying that I don't appreciate ridicule and don't want anyone's sympathy.

I like being a Cubs fan. If I didn't, I would have picked a different team (or a different sport) a long time ago. Yet being a Cubs fan carries a stigma that is unlike anything in the sports world.
The Chicago Cubs are the American sports team synonymous with losing. I’ve yet to see an opinion poll on this, but I’m pretty sure they’d be the consensus choice by a wide margin. Their long streak of futility is well-documented. They last won a championship in 1908. They haven't even played in a World Series since 1945. In fact, they have only made the postseason six times following that last pennant.

I understand the weight of all this history comes with being a Cubs fan. But, to me, it means little. I've only been a fan for about 20% of that time. Since I joined the Cubs fan base, only 10 of the 30 MLB teams have won at least one championship. Thus, there are 19 others of which I could be a fan and still not have experienced the joy that comes with winning the World Series.

A streak of 107 seasons without a championship is staggering. But winning a World Series is an achievement that is both difficult and rare. That's why you see such great emotion during the run up to the World Series and the celebration that comes with winning the Fall Classic. It’s a journey not many get to take, and even fewer see it end in ultimate glory. It’s also a rare experience for the fans of each team. Even if every team took turns winning one World Series each, every year there would be one team that has gone 30 years without a championship, leaving an entire generation of fans suffering.

The Cubs are not the only team that has experienced futility, yet I understand that they are not “just another team”. There are currently 12 franchises that have gone at least 30 years without winning the World Series and eight teams who have never won a World Series altogether. Then there are the Boston Red Sox and Chicago White Sox. Boston went 86 years without a championship before its magical run in 2004; the White Sox went 88 years until taking it in 2005. Yet the former were frequent contenders who came close many times, known for their bad luck, while the latter has been known as Chicago’s “Second Team” and never attracted the same attention for their drought as their baseball neighbors. Once those two streaks were gone, the Cubs stood alone as the undisputed kings of futility. Meanwhile, the eight teams who haven’t won a championship all came into the league in 1961 or later.

But there must be other factors that contribute to the “loveable loser” label as well. Being in a large market and having a big fan base certainly are contributing factors, but the Cubs have not always been this popular. Fifty or sixty years ago, hardly anyone attended their games. The 1969 team helped increase the team’s popularity, but the 1984 team brought them to a level of popularity that it has more or less sustained for the last 30 years. Before ‘84, the Cubs never averaged 21,000 fans in attendance per game; since then, they have never slipped below 23,000. When that ‘84 team got the Cubs into the postseason for the first time in 39 years, I think that helped bring awareness to the drought. That team fell one win short of the pennant, which gave fans, both old and new, a little taste of winning and made them thirsty for more.

Of course, myth plays a big role in all this. Surely, you can’t go more than a century without a championship unless some supernatural force was involved, right? Everyone talks about “The Curse of the Billy Goat”, which originated in 1945 when tavern owner Billy Sianis was refused entry into Wrigley Field because he wanted to bring a goat in with him. An outraged Sianis declared the Cubs would never return to the World Series. Up to now, he’s been correct. Many fans attributed Boston’s long championship drought to a curse that came upon them when the team sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees, which, just like the story of the goat, makes for interesting folklore. The team was able to break this hex upon winning it all in ‘04. Or perhaps they finally had the team that was capable of getting the job done.

There are many possible reasons why the Cubs have been so bad for so long. Some blame poor management, others an outdated ballpark, and still others the fact that they play more day games than other teams, among other reasons. I agree with some of these to varying degrees. But I don’t believe in any curse, from a goat owner, or Steve Bartman, or anyone else. Winning a championship is hard. That doesn’t excuse the long drought, but there are other factors that better explain this.

No fan can escape this history, no matter how long they have followed the team. I think it’s a federal law that during any nationally televised broadcast of a Cubs game, the announcers must mention how long it’s been since they won a World Series or even a pennant at least once. Then there are those graphics they put on the screen about what the world was like in 1908: Theodore Roosevelt was president, gas cost three cents a gallon (or however much it was), etc. Yes, we know that already; I didn’t forget since the last time ESPN aired one of their games.

And what Cubs fan hasn’t experienced a smart-aleck taunt for staying loyal to their team? I wonder what things would be like today had the Cubs never won a World Series (they won in both 1907 and 1908). I think the fact that we have a number of years we can point to since they last won makes it easier to pick on them. Without “1908”, what would naysayers write on their signs or Facebook statuses poking fun of them?

As much as I like being a Cubs fan, many people see being a fan of this team as an abstraction, finding charm in rooting for a team that constantly loses. And I find that annoying. I like running into serious baseball fans, especially those who follow the Cubs, not because I can “sympathize” with them, but because they know I’m just as passionate and knowledgeable as anyone else. They’re actually able to talk about what’s happening with the team on the field, not tell lame jokes about how much the team stinks. I desperately want the Cubs to win and cling to the hope that they will someday, not because they are “loveable losers,” but because they are my team. Why should that be any different from rooting for anyone else?